Alzheimer's Disease
Easing the Pain

Should You Tell the Patient?

MANY caregivers wonder if they should tell their loved one that he or she has Alzheimer's disease (AD). If you decide to do so, how and when should it be done? A newsletter of the South African Alzheimer's and Related Disorders Association contained these interesting comments from a reader:

"My husband has had Alzheimer's for about seven years. He is now 81, and his deterioration is thankfully very slow . . . For a long time it seemed to me that it would be cruel to tell him he had Alzheimer's and so we went along with his own 'cover-up' expression: 'What do you expect of an 80-year-old!'"

The reader then referred to a book that recommended that a patient be told in a kind and simple way about the disease he has. But she held back out of fear that following this advice would devastate her husband.

"Then one day," she continued, "my husband expressed a fear of making a fool of himself when in the midst of a group of friends. This was my opportunity! So (coming out in a cold sweat) I knelt down beside him and told him he had Alzheimer's. He, of course, could not grasp what that was, but I explained it is a disease that was making things difficult for him to do [what] he had always found easy, and was also making him forget things. I showed him just two sentences in your brochure Alzheimer's: We Can't Ignore It Anymore: 'Alzheimer's disease is a disorder of the brain causing loss of memory and serious mental deterioration . . . It is a disease and NOT A NORMAL PART OF AGEING.' I also assured him that his friends knew he had the disease and therefore understood. He thought this over for a bit, and then exclaimed: 'What a revelation! It sure helps!' You can imagine how I felt at seeing what a tremendous relief this knowledge brought him!

"And so, now, whenever he seems to be getting agitated about something, I can put my arms around him and say 'Remember, it's not you. It's that awful Alzheimer's that's making things difficult for you,' and he calms down immediately."

Of course, each case of AD is different. Also, relationships between caregivers and patients differ. So whether or not you decide to tell your loved one that he or she has AD is a personal matter.

Return to: Preserving the Patient's Dignity